2017.05.15 – 05.17 MON – WED: WEEKDAY BLUES

2017.05.15

It’s Monday and I plan to go out after BJJ and Muay Thai.  Both classes were especially grueling and by the time I get home around 10:00 pm my body feels physically broken.  I manage to drag myself out to the bar but something’s weird.  The fear of approaching is way more intense today than what I’m used to, even if I have several days off, this just makes no sense.  In the end I go home without any approaches.  Chalk that down as a L today, better luck tomorrow.

I think the exhausting workouts, followed by dinner and a nap had something to do with my over-the-too introverted-ness tonight.    My mental state was not social at all, if anything it just wanted me to stay home, sleep, heal and re-charge.  If I could overcome this, it means I would be able to have that much more direct control over my own emotional states.  I will attempt to repeat this next Monday, and hopefully break through the fear barrier.

2017.05.16 – 2017.05.17 DAYGAME SESSIONS

In my mind Tuesday and Wednesday melded together into one stretched out painful session.  Maybe it was because of the nice weather or just the difference in traffic between weekday and weekend, but the steer volume of people in and around union square was staggering.  There were so many people, and they all looked like they were trying to get somewhere, fast.  Completely different vibe than what I was used to, strolling around on the weekend.  The whole thing took me by surprise and I was really overwhelmed.  It put me in my head and for both days I was never really able to fully come out of my shell.

Most of my interactions were short and choppy, and that is telling of my shortcomings.  A combination of the environment and my own ego protection drove me more and more into my head.  I became scared of everything, every approach had the undertone of me wanting to take something from the girl, instead of me sharing the experience and my own personality with her.  By the end of Wednesday evening even though I got a few solid numbers and interactions they seemed to be the exceptions to the rule.  Overall I felt like a shadow of my previous self, I was only approaching mostly because of the discipline that was built up, and from trying to keep up with Tiger and Wispy.  I didn’t particularly enjoy any of the sets and felt like I half-assed every approach.  The worst part is I don’t know why this is happening.  Tomorrow is Thursday, I have a day to figure out my issues before hitting the streets and bars again.  

POSITIVE TAKEAWAYS: At least I still went out and approached, even though I felt like pure crap both days.

POINTS FOR IMPROVEMENT:  I think since I started this journey these past few days have been my first “dip” or at least flatline when it comes to progress.  My goal was to work on hooking and escalating yet I’m regressed back to fighting approach anxiety.  It’s not all bad however, if i can get passed this issue I feel like I will have another breakthrough, and I feel like I’m close.  I’ll just have to power through these rough patches until I can reach the next level.

2017.05.13 SAT: MARQUEE & MENTAL SUCCESS BARRIERS

Tonight’s venue is Marquee.  So far we’ve been visiting mostly shit-tier to mid-tier clubs with high guy:girl ratios and girls of questionable quality.  For New York I’d say Marquee is a good introductory course into high-end night clubs.  I’m sure the added pressure from this will only add to our social conditioning tonight, but it’s something I can’t keep avoiding.  Even if we don’t land the “results” we want tonight we will at least be acclimated to the new club environment.

SET BREAKDOWNS:

Wispy and I decide to meet up at a nearby bar called Brass Monkey to “pre-game” (get it?).  As an attempt to practice some solo game I make it a point to arrive first, but holy crap am I in my head.  New environment, lots of people, 100% sober – just kill me fam.  For a while a good part of me just wants to morph into a piece of furniture and hide in the corner, unmoving for the next four hours.  Yet not all hope is lost.  One benefit from going out all week though is that I now know it’s possible for me to get out of this state, and that’s by taking action. 

After my initial panic & fear fades enough for me not to be paralyzed I stumble to the bar, and focus.  I open a girl next to me at the bar.  I joke around with her and she’s receptive.  We exchange names.  Her smile is a little big too big, and he holds onto my hand a little bit too long.  To be exact she’s not even letting go of my hand, instead she’s just squeezing it harder.  This is a rather scary development for me as I wasn’t ready for someone to be into me on the first approach.  I pull my hand out from that death grip, say my goodbye and run away.

After that narrow escape I check my phone, Wispy is outside and asking where I am. We decide to meet at the beer garden next door.  Before we enter he tells me he saw a cute girl at the entrance behind us.  I turn around to see a mixed set.  My instinct tells me to open.  I walk up to the group and say hi to the most attractive girl (assuming she is the one Wispy was referring to).  She’s surrounded by her friend group, two of whom are directly between me and her.  They try to interject but I don’t even pay attention to them, maintaining eye contact with the girl I opened.   Seconds pass as an eternity.  Her friends start dragging her away and I’m beginning to think the set is done.  At the last moment the girl responds with a very excited look on her face and tone in her voice.  The friends read the situation and leaves us alone.  We talk for a bit and then the girl suddenly turns away and runs back to her friends.  I’m not surprised at all, I know this move like the back of my hand.  She’s too nervous and bounced from the set before potential rejection.  It amazes me how similar we all are.

Inside the beer garden Wispy opens two Finnish girls.  He is able to stick in set so well, it’s a piece of the puzzle that I need to emulate.  Seeing him plow through the interaction without any hesitation is inspiring.  Between my newfound inspirational drive and general boredom from standing around I decide to open a set myself.  I sit down at a nearby bench across from two girls.  The conversation goes well until two of their friends come by and they end up talking to each other.  This is probably one of my ‘worst fears’ related to success with women – multiple hot girls all ignoring me at the same time.  Amazing.  I get in my head and leave the set.  In the future I have to hold my frame and not let the changing environment affect my mood.  And maybe instead of tucking my tail between my legs and scooting off silently I could’ve left with saying something witty like “so yeah let me know if I’m the father and we’ll work things out”.  

At this point despite the ‘rejections’ we are pretty warmed up.  I’m in a pretty social mood, ready to move onto the main course.  As we leave the beer garden for Marquee Wispy starts talking about a set he could’ve improved on from earlier in the night.  Well, now I have to approach that same set, just to make it awkward.  I go back in the crowd and see that the two girls are surrounded by a couple of dudes.  Body language and the general vibe tells me the two girls are not that interested.  I go in, say “excuse me” to one of the guys, squeeze past him, end up in middle of the group blocking the guys from the girls, and say hi to the hotter girl.  The set opens and Wispy soon joins.  We have a rather long interaction and the less attractive girl tells us she has a boyfriend, and he joins us a couple of minutes later.  Either way I don’t care, keep chatting and I realize that the group of guys I cut off earlier is the boyfriends friends.  Whatever.  We keep chatting and eventually grab their contacts.  What surprises me the most is that the boyfriend actually tries to actively help me hook up with the other hotter chick.  Mind=blown.  Guess mixed sets aren’t as bad as they first appear.

We leave beer garden and take a cab to Marquee.  On the way out Wispy mentions to me that the girls we opened before kept looking at us throughout the night.  I have always thought that I was somewhat attentive to my environment.  I guess a lot flies through my filters, I should pay more attention to what is happening around me, even if it’s subtle.

We arrive at Marquee.  I ask a girl three lines down for some Altoids and she compiles.  I should’ve opened, but wasn’t quick enough.  As we get on line for coat-check Wispy opens the two girls behind us.  I’m pretty sure one of them is a cross dresser.  His or her voice is deeper than mine.  I try not to laugh and focus on giving my jacket to the coat checker.  I hope Wispy is safe.

Once inside the main dance floor I feel a bit overwhelmed.  The music here is so loud, much louder than other clubs.  And everyone has their personal shields up, more so than the other venues we’ve been to so far.  I can see that Wispy is getting the same vibe.  We kind of just linger in the club until I had enough and decide to take action.  I open a mixed set, the girls are reacting and smiling but don’t say hi or take my hand.  They need that that extra push and I’m not sure how to deliver it.  Or maybe I do.  All of my present-energy is transferred into intense, direct eye-contact and I manage to get one of the girls to say hi back to me.  The other girl quickly notices that her friend is slowly changing her mind about me and promptly drags her away.  I guess that’s what friends are for.

I move to another group and open.  Same response as the previous set  These girls are curious and attracted but they are just scared of going into the interaction.  I approach two three other sets and get similar responses.  I realize what’s going on.  The girls are in their heads.  “Being-approached-anxiety” as they call it.  From hours of searching on YouTube the best way to deal with this is let time take is course and re-approach later as the girls are more comfortable in the club environment.

Some time later I’m starting to feel a bit of despair crawling into my psyche.  Nothings hooking.  I’m getting a bit too used to daytime and laid back music venues,  where I can use speech as the main communication method.  Here I have to be more physical, more playful, more intense.  Unfortunately it took me more or less the entire night to come to that conclusion, and around 2:00 am we decide to call it a night.  I suggest to Wispy that we open one last set each and head out.  He agrees, and I scan the venue and lock eyes with a dark-skinned chick across the venue.  I saw her earlier but her beauty really intimidated me.  But now the scale has tipped in my favor.  I’d rather be blown out than never talk and see the girl ever again.  She is in the center of her group and surrounded by her friends.  Not a problem.  I go up, squeeze in between her friends, and say hi.  Her face lights up and she gives me a warm hug.  Was not expecting that.  I pull her close and tell her I saw her earlier and wanted to say hi.  In an excited voice she tells me she saw me too and was hoping I would come over.  This scares me.  I ask her if she’s Indian, she gives me a ‘wtf’ face and tells me shes Puerto Rican.  Mind=blown.  She then asks me for my age and ethnicity.  Upon hearing my responses she screams in delight and jumps on me again asking if we can get married.   I guess I pass, but at this point my calm indifference starts to fade, slowly being washed away by anxiety and my fears of success.  She starts grinding on me hardcore.  My brain shuts down and I don’t know what to do.  I stay in set for a while, talk to her, talk to her friends a bit, all while shes throwing her butt on my crotch methodically.  Eventually I sabotage myself and do something really stupid (use your imagination).  She freaks out a bit and tells me she’s not like that,  and pushes me away.  Looking into her eyes I can tell she wants me to say something, do something that’ll make the situation socially/mentally acceptable again so she can take me back.  What she doesn’t know is that I’m actually a pussy – I’m actually so relieved that I have a chance to bounce out of the set.  I can run away without looking like I ran away.

Funny thing is the second I’m a step or two away from her one of the chicks that I approached earlier on in the night basically jumps on me and starts rubbing her ladyparts on my crotch.  I’m half shocked half turned on.  I look over to my Puerto Rican princess, she looks like she’s about to cry.  Now I feel bad.  I’m about to go over and say something but the girl who’s grinding on me is physically keeping me locked in place.  As I begin to ponder the moral and legal consequences of physically peeling her away from me the guy who she was with before taps me on the shoulder from behind.   The pained expression on his face is indicative of just how deep in the friendzone he is.  I remember a time when I would be the wearer of that face many a time.  “She’s just drunk, just drunk” he tells me.  Yeah that’s part of it I’m sure.  After another minute of being sandwiched between these two confused lovebirds I manage to slip away and meet up with Wispy.  What the fuck just happened.  Wispy commends me, little does he know how cowardly I was when it came down to the wire.  I told him we should debrief outside and he agrees.

As we are on the coat check line to grab our coats I realize I’m actually hyped.  I’m totally “warmed-up”.  Only took two plus hours of rejections and awkward interactions.  Seems like a waste to go home but at the same time I am a bit mentally exhausted from the entire experience.  We exit the club and plan to walk around.  One last scan around and I see a set that I opened earlier in the club outside smoking.  Technically we are already outside the club, nine times out of ten if we try to go back in, even if it’s the smokers area, some xxl-sized douchebag in a suit is going to drag us out.  I bet my night on that one out of ten chance and approach the set.  It opens like butter.  A couple of sentences in I see on the corner of my eye security waking my way.  I turn my head and we make eye-contact for a solid 2-3 seconds.  Not sure what I did but he stops in his tracks, turns around and walks back.  Maybe the force is real.  My attention returns on the girls.  By now Wispy joins me and we chat for a while  I know the girls are into me.  They are out here in tiny dresses and finished their cigs ten minutes ago.  Both have their arms crossed and shivering.  Meanwhile Wispy and me both have our winter jackets on.  I make fun of them for being cold and tell them smoking is bad.  They laugh and we vibe from topic to topic.  The European one reveals that she’s into Asian guys while looking at me dead in the eye.  My brain conjures the world “pull” in my mind and I and ask them where they are going after this.  They tell me they might to go K-Town, but not sure.  To me that translates to “we are open to going somewhere after this”.  I mentally estimate the amount of work to pull them somewhere and just pussy out.  We end up getting their contacts and leaving.  Very anti-climatic.  Overall awesome night but my weak points have been exposed again, there are a lot of things for me to work on.

POSITIVE TAKEAWAYS:  Taking the time to warm-up really helps with approach anxiety and just being more social in general.  This week has taught me lessons on macro momentum throughout the week and mirco momentum throughout each night.

POINTS FOR IMPROVEMENT:  More and more it is becoming glaringly obvious that one of my major issues is having a mental success barrier.  I have to get to the bottom of this and really have my subconscious be point in the same way as my conscious mind, because right now they are in the opposite direction.

2017.05.12 FRI: VON

SET BREAKDOWNS:

Gaming with Tiger and “Wipsy”.  Met up with tiger at union square.  As he is introducing me to his friends I see two girls pass by on my peripheral  vision, one black/mixed and thicc & the other light skinned and blonde.  My types.  Not sure what came over me but I have zero hesitation, walk directly up to both girls and open.  The two girls seem rather trendy and “urban” so I was expecting them to the snobby but they are actually happy to be approached.  We chat and Tiger joins the chat.  Everyone’s having fun.  It’s a pretty long set and we end up number closing.  Afterwards I felt like I could’ve isolated and/or had an instadate.  should start focusing on those things.  I’m actually really attracted to the blonde chick.  Why no hesitation? I’m guessing partly momentum from earlier in the week and partly because I wanted to “show off” a bit in front of Tigers friends.  Either way I was laser focused.

We go to Wendy’s and meet up with Wispy, then walk over to Von’s.  On the way there I open three different girls, and manage good, long interactions with two of them and get their numbers.  One girl I see eating ice cream on a bench.  She’s slim, has knee high boots, a short skirt and a track jacket. My type.  I go up and sit down next to her and open.  Upon closer inspection her hair isn’t done right, she has on no makeup and her legs aren’t as smooth and silky as I liked.  Big losses on femininity points.  Still I carry the convo and feel attraction and comfort building.  I ask her to hang out on the weekend and she tells me she’s busy working.  I ask what she does expecting some kind of modeling job but she responds with “I work security”.  I yelp in surprise and tell her I did not expect that, and if she’s gonna beat me up.  She tells me she might if I do the wrong move.  I then ask her to text me “a list of accepted moves”.  We both laugh.  I get her number and regroup with the team.

Several blocks away from Von I spot a tall chick in heels and a skirt.  My instinct tells me to approach, and I go.  Smooth open, later on I find out that she’s visiting from Australia, visiting for a week, just had a fight with her travel partner and actually was asked me where I was going.  All signs point to taking her along with us.  My brain overheats and I bounce out of the set after taking her number.  Sad, but I really have to fight hard to get over my success barriers.

Von is a very unsuspecting bar from the outside, but the downstairs it has a dance floor, tables and a separate bar.  I was here once before several weeks ago and it was packed, and its an exact repeat tonight.  The change in the vibe takes me out of my zone and I lose a big part of the momentum that I had previously built.  

I manage to squeeze my way to the coatcheck.  It’s empty.  I look around to see if anyone will magically appear and check my coat.  No luck.  “Um, what are you doing?” A turn and see two girls looking at me questionably.  Judging from their expressions they are half amused, half weirded-out.  To them I was some random dude looking back and forth along a deserted corner.  “There’s usually coat check here” I blurt out defensively.  Damn now I’m going to look stupid.  “Well it does say coat check on top” said one of the girls.  I look up, and she’s right.  By then Wispy comes by and talks to the girls.  I hang back because I’m scared.  Now that I’m writing this I realized I got opened by a pair of hot girls, and didn’t capitalize on it.  What a time to be alive.

I go around and open two or three more sets, but they all fizzle out very quickly.  I see Wispy talking to a pretty brown chick, he calls me over and introduces us.  Perhaps he wasn’t into her very much because he leaves the set soon afterwards.  That’s cool, more for me.  Me and her talk for a bit, eventually I get kind of bored and leave the set, but I make a mental note to come back later.

I manage to find Tiger and we head upstairs to chill out for a bit.  The crowd has thinned out on the ground floor by then, the only people left at the lounge area were two hipster-ish tattoo’d women.  I’m kind of curious.  We sit down and Tiger reveals to me he is a bit in his head because he hasn’t been in a loud bar/club for a while.  I tell him that I’ll cheer him up and then take a seat next to the two older ladies.  One of them starts talking to while the other one looks at me suspiciously.  I call her out on it and she doesn’t deny, which raises a red flag.  Several more minutes into the interaction and I find out that they are from Alaska, and on their Honeymoon.  Tiger sees me laughing and starts to open the other lesbian.  Laughs all around.

I go back to the brown girl  before heading out.  Froze up a bit so instead of saying something I just mumbled in her hear.  The few seconds where she made a weird face and asked me “what?” again I was able to come up with something coherent.  “I think you’re kinda cute”.  Not the best but I don’t think I can get away with another mumble again.  I look at her and see that she is nervous.  I try to calibrate but one of her male friends tries to tool me.  I take a minute to tool his soul back to the shadowrealm but the damage is around done.  The chick gets way to nervous it’s starting to make me nervous and then she just turns around and leaves the set.  Life is rough.  I gather up the troops and head out.

POSITIVE TAKEAWAYS:  Tonight is when I really started feeling the Macro-momentum of going out so many days in a row.  It’s a lot easier to “flip-the-switch” and approach girls without hesitation.

POINTS FOR IMPROVEMENT:  I’ve always had a issues going into new environments, it takes me a while to get acclimated

2017.05.11 THU: DAYGAME

On today’s schedule:  day-gaming with Tiger after work.  Unfortunately the work day was terrible and by the time 5:00 pm hits I almost asked to cancel.  But I knew that once I got into a flow going out would actually improve my mood.  Decision has been made, I stick with the plan and head down to Astor place.

I’m early to the meetup spot.  In an effort to loosen up I walk around the area.  My mood is still terrible.  When I finally meet up with Tiger he told me he knew I was in my head the second he saw me.  Made me remember earlier in the day a deli cashier told me to smile more.  Even if I had a crappy day that’s pretty bad.  I should look into developing the skill to consciously force myself to get out of my head.  I’m sure others have done it, and if so then I can do it as well.

SESSION GOALS:  Stay in set and hook.

SET BREAKDOWNS:

We end up at a Starbucks.  Seated on one of the long tables is an Asian girl on her laptop.  She is simply stunning.  Tiger mentions me to approach. If this were several weeks ago I would have gone nowhere near a gorgeous girl like that.  She’s in her zone, doesn’t look like there’s a seat next to her, there’s people around her that will witness everything.  The excuses pile on.  Today however, all the negative thoughts seem more like background noise, the static on a TV.  It’s there, but I can turn it down.  I know I am going to end up approaching her, the attraction and curiosity is too much for me not to.  The comfort-zone:taking-action scale will tip soon, I’m just waiting for the lingering chode feelings to peak and wear off.  I take several seconds to get focused then walk over. 

When I’m finally behind her I realize the chair next to her has a bunch of her groceries on it.  The only choice I have left is to tap her on the shoulder while standing behind her.  Terrible positioning, but that’s all I had.  She turns around and I say “I came over to say hi”.  She gives a big smile and says hi back.  I take the last remaining seat that’s between her and another guest and sit down.  Wow.  From across the room I thought she was 21-22.  Sitting next to her it’s obvious that she’s at least in her early 30s.  That’s hot.  My focus almost breaks as for the first time in a long time as I start feeling intimidated.  Not so bad considering just a month ago I would’ve shat my pants ten seconds into the interaction (Assuming I somehow gathered the courage to approach in the first place).  I ask her what she is reading and she tells me she’s an actress studying a script – and that she really needs to concentrate on memorizing it.  I make a joke about her being famous and we both laugh.  A few minutes later the screen goes to sleep mode and she subconsciously shuts the laptop and then returns her full attention to me.  To me that meant she’s engaged and interested – she’s hooked.  However soon after this the set starts going downhill.  A combination of her older age (which I’m into) and her stunning looks makes me way too intimidated to escalate.  Usually in set I’m focused on either scheduling a later meet up or getting her contact, or both.  This time I feel conflicted within myself.  Part of me Doesn’t believe I’m good enough for her (why would some as beautiful as her be into a younger guy like me?) and I hesitate.  It goes downhill fast and she gets a bit overwhelmed as well.  I politely thank her for her time and we head out.  The ending might have been messy but I’m proud of myself for the overall interaction.  I’m able to stay in set for a long time, and develop a connection with the girl (in this case, woman) and really begin to start showcasing the true me.  I can say with certainly that over time and with more experience my abilities to vibe and calibrate will be deadly.

We leave Starbucks and walk toward Union Square.  I open a chick but she doesn’t give me the time of day.  We keep walking until we come across a girl sitting on a bench, engrossed on her phone.  Tiger and I rock paper scissor it to see who opens her and a minute later I’m sitting on the bench next to her.  I tap her and she jumps.  Great start.  “Do you know where the Bronx Zoo is?”  She nervously laughs “are you serious?”  “Nah I just wanted to say hi”.  Another laugh,  this time without the awkwardness.  We actually end up talking for a while and we exchange contacts and set up a date.  On paper this would have been a by-the-book approach but something’s missing.  The attraction wasn’t there, after the open I didn’t make an effort to show intent.  There was lots of comfort between us, but that was it.  I was so focused in on “hooking” and pushing the set duration I sacrificed the need to show intent.  In the future I need to stay in set AND be man to woman.

We take a break and by the time we step outside again it’s nearing nighttime.  I feel different than before, less social.  Amazing how even half a hour of being withdrawn can hinder your momentum.  After a few missed opportunities I say fuck it and open a random girl walking toward me.  When I’m close to her I realize again she’s at least several years older than me.  The set goes well despite me messing up multiple times.  I stutter, my legs shake, just overall nervousness comes over me at first. But I ride through it and get the number close, and she seemed rather attracted by the end.

I decide on one more approach before heading back.  Tiger spots a tall European-looking chick crossing the street.  I go up and open.  She looks pretty annoyed, but I keep going.  As I blabber on I take notice of her clothing which appears to be very high-end.  She has a very regal vibe in carrying herself.   She finally opens up and tells me she’s deciding between going to party city and going home.  That’s her giving me a chance to get her interested.  I fail the test miserably.  “Why are you going to party city?  To get you another crazy hat?”  “Crazy hat?”  “Like the one you’re wearing now”. I sense something’s off and try to re-calibrate.  “I’m just kidding, I mean that as a compliment”  “……I think I’m just going to go home”. She then turns and disappears into the sea of people.  This is the second time where my sense of humor turned someone off.  I’m partly perplexed and partly amused.  If I don’t learn how to calibrate quicker and more precisely I would have to tone down my jokes.

POSITIVE TAKEAWAYS:  Opening that Asian woman at Starbucks was something I never though I’d be able to achieve.  After that other approaches pale in comparison in terms of fear of approaching.

POINTS FOR IMPROVEMENT:  I am concentrating too much on hooking and staying in set that I’m forgetting to keep up the man to woman vibe.  It’s definitely there in the beginning but gets lost as I don’t try to re-engage it after the initial open.  

2017.05.10 WED: RICH CHIGGA

Never thought I’d be paying good money to watch a sixteen year old boy perform trap songs live.  Yet here I am, standing in line at 7:30 pm stuck between a various assortment of Rich Chigga fans, most of whom seem to be of a questionable age.  Filled with jailbait or not I’m sure it’s going to be an entertaining show.  Me and my friend Jonjon grab our “over 21” wristbands and walk inside.  Destiny awaits.

SESSION GOALS:  I YouTube’d around over the weekend and found several videos on how to stay in set.  Instructors say that it’s only natural an interaction has highs and lows, your job as the guy is to understand both are inevitable and go with the cycle.  Mind=Blown.  Although irrational, I’ve always thought that interactions have to be on a constant high note; every moment of silence is a sign of my incompetence.  Now that I know moments of silence are not only acceptable, but to be expected.  It feels like my reality just got shattered and rebuilt within the span of a second.  Equipped with this knowledge I decide to try some sets tonight and really push every interaction for as long as possible.

As it turns out talk is easy, work is hard.  I’m in the venue in a classic chode pose of drink in hand, head looking around value-scanning.  I’m with Jonjon so some pressure is off but I know I can’t stay in this state.  I see a cute blonde chick sitting on the railing in the back, I walk over, sit next to her, and open.  Her reaction is kind of neutral, no signs of discomfort but no signs of interest either.  We actually talk for a bit with her expression not changing for the entire duration.  There were lots of silent moments where I would’ve panicked and bounced out previously.  But now this feeling is so different.  For the first time ever I felt calm. Talking to her feels like sitting on the beach looking at the waves come by.  There are large waves that come once in a while, but there are times were nothing is going on and the waves are more or less flat.  I’m not rushing to get anywhere, I’m just chilling and enjoying the interaction.  I think this is the first time where I actually felt grounded as a man talking to an attractive woman.  Eventually I leave the set, not out of fear or panic but I was legitimately bored from her lack of investment in the set.  I tell her goodbye and then walk back to Jonjon.

The rest of the night is not nearly as impressive.  I approach two more chicks and stay in set for a long time (past the hook point) for both.  However both were in mixed groups and randomly the girl would just go over to her friends whenever conversation dropped off for even a second.  Maybe girls have anxiety just as much as guys, maybe more.  At least I have some mental prep time to focus before opening, girls are just more or less thrown in set whenever someone decides to approach them.  Life is rough.  Either way I didn’t have to courage to re-open them in their group huddle so I just end up chilling with Jonjon for the last 10-15 minutes of the concert.

I must say, Rich Chigga was definitely styling on me tonight.  What a G.

POSITIVE TAKEAWAYS:  Knowing that interactions have to go through ups and downs really triggered a breakthrough for me.  I can stay in sets for a lot longer now.

POINTS FOR IMPROVEMENT:  I need to approach more girls, and re-approach girls that I’ve previously opened.  Right now I’m average 3-5 sets a night, I know I can improve on that end.

2017.05.06 SAT: FIRST CAUSALITY, MAN VS EGO

Tonight’s venue is Schimanski, an underground techno club in the center of Williamsburg.  More recently it’s been filled with mostly dudes but because they book great DJs and I’m so used to the environment it keeps me returning for more.  I arrive early and decide to do some opens solo, but only manage a single set before my friend find me.  We chat for a bit and get into it.

SESSION GOALS:  For the past week or so I’ve really been trying to consistently push my interactions past the initial open.  Tonight is no different, goal is to consciously be able to hook sets at my pace.

SET BREAKDOWNS:

I forgot how the shit-tier the crowd here is.  Usually when I’m here for personal enjoyment the quality of the music and quality of my friends make the sausage fest almost unnoticeable.  Coming here for the girls is laughable.  I try to make the best of it and open a cute Hispanic chick on the dance floor.  She’s pretty receptive to it for a few minutes but then goes back to talking to her friend.  I feel pretty low-value when I’m just standing there waiting for her to turn back to me so I bounce out.

I pace around the venue and bump into my friend, then ask him how he’s sets were going.  I’m taken aback when he tells me he doesn’t plan on approaching anyone tonight.  The way he said those words made it seem like he was trying to wipe the past two weeks from his memory.  I try not to let it affect my mood but a bit of negativity permeates through to the remainder of my interactions.

I see an older woman hanging out close to me.  My curiosity gets the better of me so I go over and say hi.  She tries to brush off my open but I stick in there.  After a minute or two she starts being receptive and joining in on the conversation.  I ask for her name and she says something I can’t pronounce.  We jump from topic to topic and talk about music, the venue, her night, etc.  The vibe is naturally flowing and I can feel that she’s hooked.  Things are going well.  Suddenly out of nowhere I sense a weird ping of anxiety pop up through my subconscious.  I can best describe it as an emotional or mental trigger for the eject button, as I immediately make an excuse and leave the set.  What the fuck just happened.  I really feel like I have some sort of personal success barrier set in place where I just sabotage myself whenever I think I have a good chance of getting what a I want.  I’m not sure how I can conquer this but I know in order to achieve my goals, soon I will have to face it and conquer it.

Now we’re outside and I ask my friend if we can walk around a bit before heading home.  He agrees and we take a stroll.  After several minutes it’s revealed that he is stepping out of ‘game’.  My initial reaction is a mix of shock, disappointment and anger.  I shove most of those feelings back down my throat and ask him why.  Several more minutes along with some heated exchanges pass and I slowly start to realize that this is what he wants.  Not everyone’s the same, different people expect different things out of life.  As long as my friend is happy I am happy for him.  We chat a bit more and then part ways – I get on the subway ride home, alone.

_______

POSITIVE TAKEAWAYS:  Out of all the sets that I opened, I was able to push them much longer than what I was previously comfortable with.  Also coming alone to venues and opening solo is a bit easier as well.

POINTS TO IMPROVE ON:  I’m starting to realize that I have a rather deeply rooted mental success barrier.  Whenever I think a set is going to well with a girl that is “out of my league”  within seconds I have this feeling that is the equivalent of a flashing red button with horns blasting EJECT! EJECT! EJECT!  I guess this is the manifestation of my ego trying to protect the box that society rammed it in.  To my ego it’s better to remain in its box where everything is mediocre, because that’s what it’s used to, that’s what it knows.  If I were to breakthrough that box  I would have to let go of everything that currently defines me, and step into the unknown.  The only weapons I have at my disposal are my conscious mind, and my years of discipline gained from other aspects of my life.  I know somewhere in the fearful unknown is also a road to success, and I will do anything to reach that road.  I think the next few upcoming weeks will be a very tumultuous period for me, as my conscious and subconscious mind will constantly be at odds with each other, wrestling for control of my physical body.  However in the end when my conscious and subconscious mind are in alignment I will reach new heights in my journey.  Honestly, I’m kind of excited for it.

If you guys have any thoughts on this please leave a comment on what you think, I can use all the help in the world right now lol.

2017.05.05 FRI: WEBSTER HALL

Wanted to go out during the week to keep my momentum going, but life has other plans for me.  Unfortunately between work and Muay Thai I was so physically exhausted nothing really happened (two days in a row I bought tickets to shows but then fell asleep on my bed “by accident”).  Since I’m able to make some large leaps in other areas of my life this week I’m content overall.  For the foreseeable future though I am back to prioritizing success with women as the default goal.

Friday rolls around and I decide to head to Webster hall with some friends.  I also made plans to meet up with one of the Blog’s followers.  If things go well I’ll introduce him to cold approach (with what little knowledge I have of it anyway), and we’ll add another player to the game.  We meet up a block or so away and chat for a bit before heading inside.

SET BREAKDOWNS:

It takes around twenty minutes to go through security and coat check before we reach the main dance floor.  I can that my friend “Wispy” is a little bit overwhelmed by the club.  He needs something to get him relaxed and out of his head.  I volunteer myself as tribute.  I ask him if he wants to see me get blown out by some hot girls.  Before I can finish my question however I feel something soft crash into me.  It’s a girl.  I’ve hooked up with her before. Okay then.  She’s happy to see me and I chat with her for a bit.  This is going to be an interesting night.  I see her friend and introduce myself to her friend and push her on Wispy.  I then talk to my girl for a bit before exiting the interaction – she’s cool but I want to get some opens going.

Later on one of my friends “Justice” decides to open a group of Asian girls with a silly dance.  They’re receptive but the set never really opened.  I thought it would be funny to then open the same set of girls.  They were not amused.  I wander around aimlessly, manage to open one or two more sets and nothing.  It’s been a long time since I’m gone out and approached, and I feel like a out-dated robot running around pretending to be human.  Something’s holding me back from completely letting go.

I keep an eye out for the original girl and her group.  Namely her friend, who is very cute.  The little time we had to talk I can feel something between us, and I’d like to found out exactly what.  I know they are both going to feel some type of way if I talked to one friend with the other noticing, so I wait for a chance until she’s separated from the group.  So far nothing so I kind of give up and open a group of Asian girls behind me.  They smile but otherwise don’t acknowledge me.  I’m in the middle of spewing some BS when I see the very cute friend walk by me.  I spin around and grab her.  She looks at me and smiles.  I hug her and tell her “Don’t leave me”.  Her smile gets twice as big.  We dance and chat for a bit and the attraction level is trough the roof.  I don’t want her friend to see us together so I quickly grab her number before she leaves.  I turn back around to see the group of Asian girls I opened before staring in disbelief.  When they see me seeing them seeing me they look at each other and leave.  Okay then.

I never really get in a flow for the rest of the night and just bounce from spot to spot within the club.  Finally after another hour or so I decide it’s time to head out.  Right before I leave though a pretty girl catches my eye, and I see some chodes half-assing an approach on her.  Okay, now I HAVE to go over there and make it awkward.  I walk over while the chode is still talking to her and whisper in her (other) ear “Hey I saw this guy talking to you, got jealous and came over here to say hi”.  Funny or not it’s 100% true.  She looks at me and laughs.  The chode looks like I just sprayed voo-doo powder around her.  We talk for quite a bit before I grab her digits and head out the club.  Overall not bad.

Positive takeaways:  Really satisfied with grabbing the cute-friend’s number.  Also even though I felt like tonight was an off night I powered through it.

Points to improve on:  Momentum may play a bigger role than I thought.  From now on I’ll try to go out more frequently, even if it means only 20-30 minutes a day.  Also as always I need to stay in set longer after getting past the original opener.

2017.04.29 – RETURN TO CIRCLE

I’m psyched.  The daygame session earlier really has me pumped, and I’m ready for whatever the night has in store for me.  Plan is to head to the Travis Scott concert with my boy Jonjon, but plans change as we find out the concert is rescheduled.  Instead we decide to link up with some of our friends at a bar uptown.  We get there, and it’s pretty much dead.  Better yet, now I’m in a group of five dudes.  The Pick-Up gods may not be watching down on us tonight after all.

SET BREAKDOWNS:

I see a tall slim chick down the bar next to Jonjon.  I ask Jonjon if he wants to see me get blown-out.  He laughs and gestures ‘go-ahead’.  I walk around him to be next to the girl and open.  She is receptive and it takes me off-guard.  We have a good chat but then I bounce out after a couple of minutes, as usual.

We soon decide to change venues.  Popular vote has it 5:0 to Circle.  I’m excited.  We walk over (it’s just a brisk walk away from our current location), and wait on line.  I see a hot chick walking down my way and open her.  Truth be told I just want to show off a bit in front of my friends, and bet on that the girl had just left the club we’re trying to get into.  This way the chances of her saying yes to going back with me would be slim to none, and I would have gotten an easy out.  Yet the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.  From a distance she appeared Asian but by the time I’m next to her I realize she is actually Hispanic.  That means she probably just didn’t come out of Circle either.  Shes actually warm to my approach, rather weird, since its like 2:00 am and I’m just some random dude coming up to her.  We walk and talk together until the end of the block and I end up getting her number.  We say goodbye and I walk back to Jonjon and the group.  If they were impressed they didn’t show it.  RIP effort.

Once we’re inside I systematically open several sets one behind the other.  None of them go too well but I have this strong inner confidence knowing that these sets are the building blocks to a great night later on.  I think having the “pressure” of my friends there with me made my brain super focused.  As sad as it sounds my want of looking cool in front of my boys and showing them a good time far out weighs my want of protecting my ego, my fear of rejection…etc.  So my brain found the pathways for me to get what I want.  Later in the night I barely spoke yet girls were coming to me left and right.  At one point I bump into two girls (probably among the hottest in the club), and with body language and eye contact we establish rapport.  They offer me drinks and we start dancing.  Not a single word spoken.  One thing that did go over my head was capitalizing on each interaction.  I was living so in the moment things like getting their numbers, seeding the pull, etc didn’t even occur to me until we left the club.  I have to learn to balance being in the moment and being able to drive the different sets forward simultaneously.

The crowd thins and we head outside, hanging out on the street corner like proper degenerates should.  I had a good night and was ready to head home.  I hear two of my friends saying they want to return to the bar we originally came from instead.  It’s 4:30 am.  We debate this and halfway into the heated exchange one of my friends says well why don’t we just hit up girls on the street instead, and gestures towards a group of girls and guys across the street.  I’m not sure if these guys were serious or not but I’ve been going out with Tiger wayyy to much to just “casually consider” such a proposition.  A switch turns on in my head and I beam it straight to the hottest girl of the group.  I sense my friends following behind me but then their footsteps fall short as I near the girl.  These motherfuckers just played me.  I open the girl, shes hesitant but I can see the curiosity spark behind her eyes.  After a minute or two the set opens and my friends join in.  I get the other girls involved as well.  The guy in the group tries to tool me, I just Ignore him.  Everything seems to be going smoothly but one of my friends ends up getting in an altercation and we leave the set without getting the girls contact.

I think the previous interaction really got everyone’s social juices flowing again, and much to my dismay now my friends want to stay out even more.  Hey, I thought we were approaching girls on the street so we can just go home afterwards.  But these guys are on the hype train, I can already tell they want to keep the show running.  “Let’s approach” they said.  I remind myself to introduce Tiger to these guys, I’m sure they’ll get along just fine.  I look at the direction they’re pointing, it’s a group of 7-8 girls, and from this distance they all look like stunners.  I think twice.  Not because I’m intimated, I just have a gut feeling that if I was to open a set like that and it goes well it’s going to be a long-ass set, and 100% effort.  I’m tired and I want to go home.  I look at my friends.  Pretty sure they’re drooling.  Pretty sure I’m drooling just as much.  Fuck it, whatever.  I am a dick about it though, I pretend I don’t want to approach and tell my friends that I opened the last set now it’s their turn to open.  After a few seconds they agree.  I grab some mental popcorn, stand a distance away and watch the show unfold.

My friends start walking towards the group but then stops halfway and start an informal huddle amongst themselves.  I look over to the girls, then back to my friends, then back to the girls.  This is not good, the girls felt my friends’ approach, as well as the apparent hesitation with that midway pit-stop.  If this continues the chances of the set opening is pretty low.  I start speed-walking to the group instead, and I can see girls surprised reactions on their faces.  Bet they didn’t expect a third douchebag to pop  out from left-field.  I see the hottest one in tunnel-vision.  My type.  I go up to her and say hi.  I think I was so genuinely attracted to her handling the set became almost subconscious.  My brain knew exactly what I wanted consciously and subconsciously, and made a way for me to make it happen.  After a minute or two my friends join the set and everyone’s having a good time.  The other girls try to shit-test me (why?  I don’t even like you), and they fail miserably.  One girl says in Chinese “He is actually kind of ugly”, I then respond to her in Chinese I know what shes saying.  They’re shocked and I’m laughing, but then I go back on my girl.  I make such focused eye contact with her I think I’m about to bust a nut in my pants.  She’s attracted, I know she is attracted.  I think she knows it too and after some time she blurts out randomly “I have a boyfriend”.  Goddammit.  I quickly drag several of her friends away and ask them separately what her boyfriend’s name is.  They all say the same name.  Goddammit.  I actually get kind of dejected here and a few minutes later we all leave the set.  After that I say goodbye to my friends and we head home separately.

Positive takeaways:  I realized that if I really wanted something, both consciously and sub-consciously my brain will find me the right back to what I want.  Tonight I used my friends as crutches, in the future I’ll have to learn how to get into that zone by myself.

Points to improve on: Looking back on the last two sets, what I really need to do is follow-through.  When the girl had a boyfriend I gave up completely.  I could’ve isolated her for 1-2 minutes and then gotten her social media contact, but instead I just gave up – because that was the easier thing to do at the time.  I have to really push myself past the current limit and not fall short.

2017.04.29 – FIRST TIME DAYTIME

Global warming has it’s benefits.  It’s still April and temperature is reaching close to 80 degrees.  I’m on the subway to Union Square to meet up with Tiger for a day-game session.  This would be my first attempt at day-game.  I feel sick to my stomach, sulking in deep regret.  Why did I agree to this?  I’m scared shitless, I have no idea what is going to happen, in my head I tell myself I’m just going to follow Tiger around and watch him, so I don’t have to do anything myself.  Reflecting on this now I see that the fear towards trying something new such as daygaming was just as bad as opening my first cold-approach ever.  From now on I have to keep running towards these feelings of irrational fear rather than away from it, as the experiences from facing irrational fears usually boosts my progress by leaps and bounds.

SET BREAKDOWNS:

We meet at a Starbucks, I tell Tiger that I’m probably not going to approach I just came just so I can get “used to the feel” of showing my face in public during the day.  Just the idea of approaching women during the day slightly triggers feelings of shame inside me.  Tiger looks at me weird and just ignores the part where I said I won’t be approaching anyone today.  We exit Starbucks soon and as we stroll down Union Square Tiger mentions me to approach a girl across the street.  I say no initially but after a minute or so I go over.  She’s surprisingly receptive and after a few minutes of chatting I get her number.  I repeat this with several other girls, and manage to get a number close on almost all of them.  Guess daygame wasn’t all that scary.

One set in particular I see a ginger chick several feet away.  If I had to describe her with one word it would be “THICC”. Definitely my type.  Tiger gives me a weird look again.  I don’t think he appreciates a well shaped woman (good luck in America brother).  I go up and open, she seems a bit reluctant and nervous but we introduce ourselves.  She keeps walking and I walk with her.  We walk around Union Square for a while just talking about random stuff but I feel that her nervousness never fully disappeared.  In the end she said she doesn’t give her number out to random guys and I get the feeling that this girl is not used to being approached, and is very nervous because of it.  I don’t press for it and we do verbally agree to meet up at a bar later in the LES.  We hug it out and say goodbyes.  Although I didn’t walk away with anything tangible from that set I did feel comfortable in a long interaction.  Also noticed that as long as I was talking to a chick that I sincerely found  attractive it would make the experience enjoyable despite any awkward moments.

It’s been around two hours and I’m thinking about leaving.  Tiger peer-pressures me to talk to one last girl before we head home and I agree.  I go up and introduce myself, she seems reluctant at first but then warms up.  We talk for a bit then I ask her what she is doing here.   She tells me she is waiting for someone and then her expression changes and she points to someone behind me.  Even before I turn my head I knew it was going to be a dude.  I turn my head.  It’s a dude.  Fuck.  I shake the dudes hand and then introduce myself as the girl’s new boyfriend.  The girls starts laughing and shouts “he is NOT my boyfriend”.  The guy looks super confused.  He ends up being her cousin so it wasn’t so bad, before I leave I manage to grab her number.  It felt kind of awkward asking for her number with the guy present, I didn’t want to make her seem like a “slut” in front of her family member.  In the future I will ask the guy for permission to talk to her for two minutes in private and then grab the number there, and not in the open.

Positive Takeaways:  Day-game is not as scary as it seems.  Currently it suits my personality a bit more because it’s super low pressure, laid back.  Maybe night game can be like that too, I just having discovered the right tools to make it that way, yet.

Things to work on:  I think part of the reason why I was able to number close almost all of the chicks was that I made my approaches short.  They were usually five or so minutes long, this way I could just grab the number and leave.  In the future I need to be able to push the interactions for a longer period of time to build a stronger connection with each girl.

 

 

2017.04.28 FRIDAY: HIGH EXPECTATIONS VS INDIFFERENCE

Torn between Flux pavilion (shit-tier-DJ) and Mark Knight (God-tier-DJ).  Don’t really want to go Output three times in a row but in the end we decided on output anyway (who we kidding here).

Because I didn’t get a chance to cop tickets beforehand I decide to head out later so I don’t have to wait in line.  My friend tells me has to cancel, and it messes with my mood more than I’d like to admit.  Tonight was going be a night where I can have a buddy on my side to push me, and having that safety-net taken from out under me was very disappointing.

I get to the club around 2:15 am and it’s packed.  At this point the feelings of misfortune of gaming solo again is gone and I look at the situation as additional practice for self-dependence.  I try to find a place where I can chill out and let my natural state come out, but I kept getting bumped into it was really hard to calm down.  Eventually I do find a “safe-zone” but it does takes me some time.

SET BREAKDOWNS:

Now it’s around 2:45 and I still haven’t approached, but I see a girl dancing next to me.  She’s really not the type that I’m into, dressed more tomboyish and lacking that feminine energy that most attractive women have.  I hesitate on if I should approach her, not sure how I feel about approaching girls that I’m not really attracted to.  Reality is thought that I’m too stifled to approach someone hotter.  I tap her shoulder and tell her I dig the hat and like her style (it is cool, just not my thing).  Surprisingly she gives me a big warm smile and we talk for a bit between dancing.  I had to stop talking to her because I really wasn’t interested.  To me it would be disrespectful to fake interest to a girl just to get some “momentum”.  So I guess it was just a half-ass opened set.  Whatever it got just lid open.

Later on I managed to meet up with some friends inside the club, thought this was going to be a great help to boost my confidence but it actually did the opposite.  I see two Asian girls sticking close behind me so I assume they at least somewhat acknowledge my presence.  This sounds bad but usually I try not to approach Asian chicks too much.  Hear me out – it’s not that I don’t find them attractive (I find them very attractive), it’s because up until now I feel more anxiety and nervousness when I am approaching girls outside my race. Logically I know that should not be happening so I try my best to push myself into those sets that give me the most anxiety, this way I can conquer my fears and really speed up my learning curve.  Basically it’s not them, it’s me.  I will admit though, there is a little bit of ego in me that believes most Asian girls are just more attracted to me by default.  Man did that blow up in my face or what.  I stepped to the hotter of the two (she was definitely hot) and said hi.  She doesn’t make eye contact and after thirty seconds or so of me spewing BS she walks away with her friend, completely ignoring me.  So much for Asian chicks digging me lol, man haven’t felt my ego shattered like that for a while.  Best part is I’m sure my friends just saw me get demolished.  The experience was so bad that it was almost refreshing.  Usually when I get a harsh rejection like that my overall state goes up, but that rejection really messed me up for a while.  I think it’s because I had an expectation for it to go well, my ego needed it to go well, and of course it doesn’t and it really affected my self-worth.  In the future I should focus more on being indifferent and the part of taking action and not focusing on being confident and looking for her reactions.  I do a lot better when I go into a set thinking “I’m going to go blow this set up just watch me”

Sadly that was my last set of the night.  Or so I thought.  After getting blown out by the previous set I kind of just wandered around with my friends, going into reaction mode instead of being pro-active.  Before I leave though I mope around a bit, partly to have some fun, partly to try to get myself out my downward spiral, and lastly I just wanted to look at the hot girls for a little longer (I have no shame).  I actually see a very cute girl (skinny, tall, feminine) but there’s a guy right next to her.  Damn it’s close to 4:00 am, I’d rather not have some passive aggressive shit tug of wear with a random dude (translation: I’m still to scared to approach mixed sets).  But when they see my dancing they actually start dancing next to me, and within a few seconds they actually start copying my moves (lol).   Well I can’t just ignore that sign, so I go up to them and say hi.  They respond positively, laugh and we dance for a bit.  These circle-isk dances are always super weird to me because I sense that the girls want to include me but they are always facing each other which kind of cuts me off.  If I move right in-front of the girl I like it cuts off her friend (which they don’t appreciate much), and seems try-hard.  I’m sure there’s an answer I just gotta explore it more.  Eventually I tell the hot girl that I was going to say hi but I saw her boyfriend next to her; and then realized her “boyfriend” was actually a girl dressed in guy clothing (her friend can get it too tbh).  The girl laughs.  It piques her friend’s  interested and I go over and repeat the story.  At the punchline I realize I just basically just called her a man.  Oops.  Not sure if she was mad about that or not but she pulls back and keeps dancing (lol, I think she mad).  At this point I’m feeling awkward as fuck and I move to the side, which instantly triggers a group of chodes to start dancing next to the girls (lol).  Because I’m not sure on how to reopen the set exactly I decide on just leaving the area and head out.

I think the major takeaway here is to go into sets without expectation, a lot of the times I have a mental movie in my head of how the interaction is going to work out before I approach.  I feel like this isn’t a great idea because it really sets the expectation high and that negatively affects me when the result is the complete opposite of what I planned in my head.  Also I need to ‘kill’ my ego,  approach to genuinely meet the girl not for the ego validation.  Lastly so far the chode-me has been overriding my primal instincts when it comes to deciding if i should approach or not (answer is almost always yes), I need to turn that around.  I will be working on all of these elements the next few times I go out.