Tonight’s venue is Marquee. So far we’ve been visiting mostly shit-tier to mid-tier clubs with high guy:girl ratios and girls of questionable quality. For New York I’d say Marquee is a good introductory course into high-end night clubs. I’m sure the added pressure from this will only add to our social conditioning tonight, but it’s something I can’t keep avoiding. Even if we don’t land the “results” we want tonight we will at least be acclimated to the new club environment.
Wispy and I decide to meet up at a nearby bar called Brass Monkey to “pre-game” (get it?). As an attempt to practice some solo game I make it a point to arrive first, but holy crap am I in my head. New environment, lots of people, 100% sober – just kill me fam. For a while a good part of me just wants to morph into a piece of furniture and hide in the corner, unmoving for the next four hours. Yet not all hope is lost. One benefit from going out all week though is that I now know it’s possible for me to get out of this state, and that’s by taking action.
After my initial panic & fear fades enough for me not to be paralyzed I stumble to the bar, and focus. I open a girl next to me at the bar. I joke around with her and she’s receptive. We exchange names. Her smile is a little big too big, and he holds onto my hand a little bit too long. To be exact she’s not even letting go of my hand, instead she’s just squeezing it harder. This is a rather scary development for me as I wasn’t ready for someone to be into me on the first approach. I pull my hand out from that death grip, say my goodbye and run away.
After that narrow escape I check my phone, Wispy is outside and asking where I am. We decide to meet at the beer garden next door. Before we enter he tells me he saw a cute girl at the entrance behind us. I turn around to see a mixed set. My instinct tells me to open. I walk up to the group and say hi to the most attractive girl (assuming she is the one Wispy was referring to). She’s surrounded by her friend group, two of whom are directly between me and her. They try to interject but I don’t even pay attention to them, maintaining eye contact with the girl I opened. Seconds pass as an eternity. Her friends start dragging her away and I’m beginning to think the set is done. At the last moment the girl responds with a very excited look on her face and tone in her voice. The friends read the situation and leaves us alone. We talk for a bit and then the girl suddenly turns away and runs back to her friends. I’m not surprised at all, I know this move like the back of my hand. She’s too nervous and bounced from the set before potential rejection. It amazes me how similar we all are.
Inside the beer garden Wispy opens two Finnish girls. He is able to stick in set so well, it’s a piece of the puzzle that I need to emulate. Seeing him plow through the interaction without any hesitation is inspiring. Between my newfound inspirational drive and general boredom from standing around I decide to open a set myself. I sit down at a nearby bench across from two girls. The conversation goes well until two of their friends come by and they end up talking to each other. This is probably one of my ‘worst fears’ related to success with women – multiple hot girls all ignoring me at the same time. Amazing. I get in my head and leave the set. In the future I have to hold my frame and not let the changing environment affect my mood. And maybe instead of tucking my tail between my legs and scooting off silently I could’ve left with saying something witty like “so yeah let me know if I’m the father and we’ll work things out”.
At this point despite the ‘rejections’ we are pretty warmed up. I’m in a pretty social mood, ready to move onto the main course. As we leave the beer garden for Marquee Wispy starts talking about a set he could’ve improved on from earlier in the night. Well, now I have to approach that same set, just to make it awkward. I go back in the crowd and see that the two girls are surrounded by a couple of dudes. Body language and the general vibe tells me the two girls are not that interested. I go in, say “excuse me” to one of the guys, squeeze past him, end up in middle of the group blocking the guys from the girls, and say hi to the hotter girl. The set opens and Wispy soon joins. We have a rather long interaction and the less attractive girl tells us she has a boyfriend, and he joins us a couple of minutes later. Either way I don’t care, keep chatting and I realize that the group of guys I cut off earlier is the boyfriends friends. Whatever. We keep chatting and eventually grab their contacts. What surprises me the most is that the boyfriend actually tries to actively help me hook up with the other hotter chick. Mind=blown. Guess mixed sets aren’t as bad as they first appear.
We leave beer garden and take a cab to Marquee. On the way out Wispy mentions to me that the girls we opened before kept looking at us throughout the night. I have always thought that I was somewhat attentive to my environment. I guess a lot flies through my filters, I should pay more attention to what is happening around me, even if it’s subtle.
We arrive at Marquee. I ask a girl three lines down for some Altoids and she compiles. I should’ve opened, but wasn’t quick enough. As we get on line for coat-check Wispy opens the two girls behind us. I’m pretty sure one of them is a cross dresser. His or her voice is deeper than mine. I try not to laugh and focus on giving my jacket to the coat checker. I hope Wispy is safe.
Once inside the main dance floor I feel a bit overwhelmed. The music here is so loud, much louder than other clubs. And everyone has their personal shields up, more so than the other venues we’ve been to so far. I can see that Wispy is getting the same vibe. We kind of just linger in the club until I had enough and decide to take action. I open a mixed set, the girls are reacting and smiling but don’t say hi or take my hand. They need that that extra push and I’m not sure how to deliver it. Or maybe I do. All of my present-energy is transferred into intense, direct eye-contact and I manage to get one of the girls to say hi back to me. The other girl quickly notices that her friend is slowly changing her mind about me and promptly drags her away. I guess that’s what friends are for.
I move to another group and open. Same response as the previous set These girls are curious and attracted but they are just scared of going into the interaction. I approach two three other sets and get similar responses. I realize what’s going on. The girls are in their heads. “Being-approached-anxiety” as they call it. From hours of searching on YouTube the best way to deal with this is let time take is course and re-approach later as the girls are more comfortable in the club environment.
Some time later I’m starting to feel a bit of despair crawling into my psyche. Nothings hooking. I’m getting a bit too used to daytime and laid back music venues, where I can use speech as the main communication method. Here I have to be more physical, more playful, more intense. Unfortunately it took me more or less the entire night to come to that conclusion, and around 2:00 am we decide to call it a night. I suggest to Wispy that we open one last set each and head out. He agrees, and I scan the venue and lock eyes with a dark-skinned chick across the venue. I saw her earlier but her beauty really intimidated me. But now the scale has tipped in my favor. I’d rather be blown out than never talk and see the girl ever again. She is in the center of her group and surrounded by her friends. Not a problem. I go up, squeeze in between her friends, and say hi. Her face lights up and she gives me a warm hug. Was not expecting that. I pull her close and tell her I saw her earlier and wanted to say hi. In an excited voice she tells me she saw me too and was hoping I would come over. This scares me. I ask her if she’s Indian, she gives me a ‘wtf’ face and tells me shes Puerto Rican. Mind=blown. She then asks me for my age and ethnicity. Upon hearing my responses she screams in delight and jumps on me again asking if we can get married. I guess I pass, but at this point my calm indifference starts to fade, slowly being washed away by anxiety and my fears of success. She starts grinding on me hardcore. My brain shuts down and I don’t know what to do. I stay in set for a while, talk to her, talk to her friends a bit, all while shes throwing her butt on my crotch methodically. Eventually I sabotage myself and do something really stupid (use your imagination). She freaks out a bit and tells me she’s not like that, and pushes me away. Looking into her eyes I can tell she wants me to say something, do something that’ll make the situation socially/mentally acceptable again so she can take me back. What she doesn’t know is that I’m actually a pussy – I’m actually so relieved that I have a chance to bounce out of the set. I can run away without looking like I ran away.
Funny thing is the second I’m a step or two away from her one of the chicks that I approached earlier on in the night basically jumps on me and starts rubbing her ladyparts on my crotch. I’m half shocked half turned on. I look over to my Puerto Rican princess, she looks like she’s about to cry. Now I feel bad. I’m about to go over and say something but the girl who’s grinding on me is physically keeping me locked in place. As I begin to ponder the moral and legal consequences of physically peeling her away from me the guy who she was with before taps me on the shoulder from behind. The pained expression on his face is indicative of just how deep in the friendzone he is. I remember a time when I would be the wearer of that face many a time. “She’s just drunk, just drunk” he tells me. Yeah that’s part of it I’m sure. After another minute of being sandwiched between these two confused lovebirds I manage to slip away and meet up with Wispy. What the fuck just happened. Wispy commends me, little does he know how cowardly I was when it came down to the wire. I told him we should debrief outside and he agrees.
As we are on the coat check line to grab our coats I realize I’m actually hyped. I’m totally “warmed-up”. Only took two plus hours of rejections and awkward interactions. Seems like a waste to go home but at the same time I am a bit mentally exhausted from the entire experience. We exit the club and plan to walk around. One last scan around and I see a set that I opened earlier in the club outside smoking. Technically we are already outside the club, nine times out of ten if we try to go back in, even if it’s the smokers area, some xxl-sized douchebag in a suit is going to drag us out. I bet my night on that one out of ten chance and approach the set. It opens like butter. A couple of sentences in I see on the corner of my eye security waking my way. I turn my head and we make eye-contact for a solid 2-3 seconds. Not sure what I did but he stops in his tracks, turns around and walks back. Maybe the force is real. My attention returns on the girls. By now Wispy joins me and we chat for a while I know the girls are into me. They are out here in tiny dresses and finished their cigs ten minutes ago. Both have their arms crossed and shivering. Meanwhile Wispy and me both have our winter jackets on. I make fun of them for being cold and tell them smoking is bad. They laugh and we vibe from topic to topic. The European one reveals that she’s into Asian guys while looking at me dead in the eye. My brain conjures the world “pull” in my mind and I and ask them where they are going after this. They tell me they might to go K-Town, but not sure. To me that translates to “we are open to going somewhere after this”. I mentally estimate the amount of work to pull them somewhere and just pussy out. We end up getting their contacts and leaving. Very anti-climatic. Overall awesome night but my weak points have been exposed again, there are a lot of things for me to work on.
POSITIVE TAKEAWAYS: Taking the time to warm-up really helps with approach anxiety and just being more social in general. This week has taught me lessons on macro momentum throughout the week and mirco momentum throughout each night.
POINTS FOR IMPROVEMENT: More and more it is becoming glaringly obvious that one of my major issues is having a mental success barrier. I have to get to the bottom of this and really have my subconscious be point in the same way as my conscious mind, because right now they are in the opposite direction.